I do remember there was a time when I used to cry a lot. A lot, a lot. You know, i was dealing with a failed marriage, the love of my life had moved away to a completely different city with his girlfriend of 2 years (we had only been divorced for 2 months), and i was alone with my 2 young children (one who was only a few months old). Yeah, to say the least I cried a lot.
But i can honestly say, that was the best medicine i could have received. See, for someone like me, i wasnt going to learn the easy way. Oh, God prompted me to make Him the love of my life on several occasions, but i turned my back on Him on each one; and now during those very difficult times, i was solely responsible for the pain i felt in my heart. I felt like dying...and i believe if it wasnt for my children, it would have been a very viable option for me to indulge.
And it wasn't until I finally had an epiphany that the tears stopped. Oh, i was going to church, i was praying, i was reading, i was hanging out with good people...but i was never in it. I felt millions of miles away. But i guess, sometimes when the right motivation isnt there, simply going through the actions persistently and consistently in obedience is enough for God to work miracles with.
One day, i read my Bible, i read about the Great Commandment: Love God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. Matthew 22:37, and the second, Love your neighbor as yourself.
Yeah, i knew that.
Then i read about the Great Commission: Go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit; teaching them to obey all that i have commanded you, and surely i will be with you always until the end of days.
You know, i had a small revelation there, just as Jesus spread the gospel to his disciples, i can spread it too, and He will then always be with us...but i must obey His command for this to even be possible.
Yeah, that was a good revelation. But it wasnt until i was sobbing my eyes out one day because i was so utterly tired. So tired of so many things, of so many years of problem after problem, heartache after heartache, that i realized and i fully understood that my life was not meant for a successful marriage, great career, lots of money, excellent health, beautiful children, genius knowledge, etc. While all those things would be really nice and a huge bonus, that is not what my life was meant for...not in the least.
God specifically said that my purpose was to Love GOD. Love my neighbor. And go spread His message to all people so that they might come to the full understanding of who He is in all His majesty.
That is the day that tears sort of just stopped. Dont get me wrong, i get frustrated and cry, i hear of someone in pain, and i cry, but i cant remember another time since that day that i have cried the way that i cried before, in hopelessness.
There is meaning to my life. Even when my marriage failed, there was meaning to my life, when i didnt have money to eat, there was meaning in my life, on and on...there is meaning to my life. I find that meaning in God.
And NO, that doesnt make me a sheep or lacking in personality, that makes me wonderful and perfect. That makes me more than just the little speck i am in this universe and in history...it makes me in the image of Him.
I dont pray for many things for myself anymore, but one thing i never fail to pray for is that i would grow to love our God more and more each day. I get overwhelmed at His majesty many times now. I am in awe of who He is.
You know, i am not perfect person, but i can say truthfully and completely, i am a very honest person, sometimes too honest. I dont like hiding things and i like things said straight out, and while i must get better at how i say things, i know one thing for sure, i, just like you: Have a lot of work to do. :)
But i can honestly say, that was the best medicine i could have received. See, for someone like me, i wasnt going to learn the easy way. Oh, God prompted me to make Him the love of my life on several occasions, but i turned my back on Him on each one; and now during those very difficult times, i was solely responsible for the pain i felt in my heart. I felt like dying...and i believe if it wasnt for my children, it would have been a very viable option for me to indulge.
And it wasn't until I finally had an epiphany that the tears stopped. Oh, i was going to church, i was praying, i was reading, i was hanging out with good people...but i was never in it. I felt millions of miles away. But i guess, sometimes when the right motivation isnt there, simply going through the actions persistently and consistently in obedience is enough for God to work miracles with.
One day, i read my Bible, i read about the Great Commandment: Love God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. Matthew 22:37, and the second, Love your neighbor as yourself.
Yeah, i knew that.
Then i read about the Great Commission: Go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit; teaching them to obey all that i have commanded you, and surely i will be with you always until the end of days.
You know, i had a small revelation there, just as Jesus spread the gospel to his disciples, i can spread it too, and He will then always be with us...but i must obey His command for this to even be possible.
Yeah, that was a good revelation. But it wasnt until i was sobbing my eyes out one day because i was so utterly tired. So tired of so many things, of so many years of problem after problem, heartache after heartache, that i realized and i fully understood that my life was not meant for a successful marriage, great career, lots of money, excellent health, beautiful children, genius knowledge, etc. While all those things would be really nice and a huge bonus, that is not what my life was meant for...not in the least.
God specifically said that my purpose was to Love GOD. Love my neighbor. And go spread His message to all people so that they might come to the full understanding of who He is in all His majesty.
That is the day that tears sort of just stopped. Dont get me wrong, i get frustrated and cry, i hear of someone in pain, and i cry, but i cant remember another time since that day that i have cried the way that i cried before, in hopelessness.
There is meaning to my life. Even when my marriage failed, there was meaning to my life, when i didnt have money to eat, there was meaning in my life, on and on...there is meaning to my life. I find that meaning in God.
And NO, that doesnt make me a sheep or lacking in personality, that makes me wonderful and perfect. That makes me more than just the little speck i am in this universe and in history...it makes me in the image of Him.
I dont pray for many things for myself anymore, but one thing i never fail to pray for is that i would grow to love our God more and more each day. I get overwhelmed at His majesty many times now. I am in awe of who He is.
You know, i am not perfect person, but i can say truthfully and completely, i am a very honest person, sometimes too honest. I dont like hiding things and i like things said straight out, and while i must get better at how i say things, i know one thing for sure, i, just like you: Have a lot of work to do. :)
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