Mother of Many

Today...i feel so sad. I have been so selfish with my life. Pouring out to "things" that I should not be, that in the end leave me feeling void and worse than i had anticipated. Makes my heart hurt and its a bittersweet reminder to go back to the source that is my Savior.

Rededicated, rededicate, rededicate. Probably should be one of my mottos!

Soooooo, I just finished an email to India Rescue Mission, check them out: http://www.indianrescuemission.org/ 

They literally go out and rescue our daughters and our sons. Christian-based. I am going to contact some of their contacts in the States...if you would love to help, i am sure they would could use it. Maybe one day, I...better yet, WE can be involved in a rescue. That would be nice. :)

But I am really here to share with you the response to my email asking a friend i made while in India if she was affected by the bombings that occurred in Mumbai June 2011:

Thanks for remembering us. I had reached home that day earlier than usual but it was indeed terrible to have terror strike again in the heart of Mumbai. Yesterday's paper indicated that the death toll had risen to 26 as a result of the terrible bomb blast. One of the bomb blast sites was close to the place where we had the first Aruna Drop in Center. "A" is enjoying her school and "D" is doing great she will finish her hair dressing and styling course next month. I now go to Nirmal Bhavan twice a week and see the girls for counseling on other days I go around to the other projects of Oasis. This involves a great deal of traveling in the city. Pray that I keep obedient to His call and remain in the centre of his will always.

Lovingly in Him
Accamma

"A" is a young 16 year who aspires to be a doctor. She still dreams...so many do not. She was sent to live with her uncle after her father passed. Her uncle proceeded to drug her and rape her for years until she ran away. Not knowing where to go she rode a train up and down india until she was rescued by a woman who found her a home. She is now living in a hope with other women who are victims. She knows English very well and is a smart, kind, very quiet young woman, who is worthy of our prayers.

"D" is a young woman, looks to be about 19 or 20, they say she is about that age. Her past is bits and flashes of hurt. She doesnt have big dreams but has a talent for hair and beauty treatments. When asked if she would ever get married, she shys away and says no. She has HIV. Women with HIV seldom think marriage is a possibility for them. She was trafficked for way too many years and now has a very difficult time opening up. She desperately needs the love of God.

Accamma is the woman who so unselfishly spends out her life caring for them by providing counseling and treatment to overcome the pain of their abuse. There are countless others under her care, and many more that have come and gone. She is the Mother of Many. While i was there for 17 days, she is there for a lifetime and can only deal by constantly rejuvenating with the source that brings life. Her heart is so pure and I feel such peace thinking of her and her life.

If you could pray for them and Mumbai as you read this post, that would be pretty awesome.

A Lot of Work Left to Do

I do remember there was a time when I used to cry a lot. A lot, a lot. You know, i was dealing with a failed marriage, the love of my life had moved away to a completely different city with his girlfriend of 2 years (we had only been divorced for 2 months), and i was alone with my 2 young children (one who was only a few months old).  Yeah, to say the least I cried a lot.

But i can honestly say, that was the best medicine i could have received. See, for someone like me, i wasnt going to learn the easy way. Oh, God prompted me to make Him the love of my life on several occasions, but i turned my back on Him on each one; and now during those very difficult times, i was solely responsible for the pain i felt in my heart. I felt like dying...and i believe if it wasnt for my children, it would have been a very viable option for me to indulge.

And it wasn't until I finally had an epiphany that the tears stopped. Oh, i was going to church, i was praying, i was reading, i was hanging out with good people...but i was never in it. I felt millions of miles away. But i guess, sometimes when the right motivation isnt there, simply going through the actions persistently and consistently in obedience is enough for God to work miracles with.

One day, i read my Bible, i read about the Great Commandment: Love God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. Matthew 22:37, and the second, Love your neighbor as yourself.

Yeah, i knew that.

Then i read about the Great Commission: Go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit; teaching them to obey all that i have commanded you, and surely i will be with you always until the end of days.

You know, i had a small revelation there, just as Jesus spread the gospel to his disciples, i can spread it too, and He will then always be with us...but i must obey His command for this to even be possible.

Yeah, that was a good revelation. But it wasnt until i was sobbing my eyes out one day because i was so utterly tired. So tired of so many things, of so many years of problem after problem, heartache after heartache, that i realized and i fully understood that my life was not meant for a successful marriage, great career, lots of money, excellent health, beautiful children, genius knowledge, etc.  While all those things would be really nice and a huge bonus, that is not what my life was meant for...not in the least.


God specifically said that my purpose was to Love GOD. Love my neighbor. And go spread His message to all people so that they might come to the full understanding of who He is in all His majesty.


That is the day that tears sort of just stopped. Dont get me wrong, i get frustrated and cry, i hear of someone in pain, and i cry, but i cant remember another time since that day that i have cried the way that i cried before, in hopelessness.

There is meaning to my life. Even when my marriage failed, there was meaning to my life, when i didnt have money to eat, there was meaning in my life, on and on...there is meaning to my life. I find that meaning in God.

And NO, that doesnt make me a sheep or lacking in personality, that makes me wonderful and perfect. That makes me more than just the little speck i am in this universe and in history...it makes me in the image of Him.

I dont pray for many things for myself anymore, but one thing i never fail to pray for is that i would grow to love our God more and more each day.  I get overwhelmed at His majesty many times now. I am in awe of who He is.

You know, i am not perfect person, but i can say truthfully and completely, i am a very honest person, sometimes too honest. I dont like hiding things and i like things said straight out, and while i must get better at how i say things, i know one thing for sure, i, just like you: Have a lot of work to do. :)